Beginnings and Endings

Tuesday the 8th of April I started having contractions at around 9pm. I had been feeling wonky all day Monday and suspected that this would be coming sometime soon. The contractions weren't too strong or regular, mainly just really annoying Braxton Hicks type contractions. They went away enough for me to sleep until about 3 am and then started coming more regularly along with severe lower back pain. I slept on and off until A woke me up around 6am. S was planning on staying home anyway to watch A during my last OB appt at 11:45. I decided to wait to see what Dr. F said at my appt rather than go to the hospital. The contractions weren't really that bad...bad enough that I had to breath through them but not bad enough that they were particularly painful. They kept petering out and then coming back stronger and then petering out. I didn't want to go to the hospital until I was sure that I was really in labor. My Mom was going to drive 3 hours one way for the birth and I would've felt terrible if she had started her journey only to have to turn around because the hospital sent me home.
When I get to the Dr's office she is running 3o minutes behind on appts. Meanwhile I am contracting in her waiting room and starting to sweat a little. I brought all of the stuff for the hospital with me in the back of the car in case she sent me to the hospital but I was wondering if I would be able to make it to the hospital driving by myself.
Dr. F checked my dilation (nothing). She asked me if I wanted to just do the c-section. Of course! But first she had to call the hospital and make sure they had an operating room ready.
Well, I guess every woman in town had decided to go into labor that morning and they had no rooms available! WTF? They considered my c-section elective since I wasn't dilated and basically told my doctor to send me home until they had room. At this point I was picturing laboring until Monday when I had my c-section scheduled anyway. Dr. F told me that there was no way in hell this baby wasn't going to be delivered that day. She suggested I go home and wait until after dinner (but not to eat anything before then as they want at least 6 hours before giving the anesthesia) and then go to labor and delivery. Once they saw I was in labor they would have to call her for a recommendation and she would tell them to keep me at the hospital until a delivery room opened up.
So I went home and labored and waited. It was hard to just wait not knowing what was going to happen. Plus I was worried about my Mom making it in time since this would be her last grandchild as she had missed A's birth.
We left for the hospital around 6pm and they admitted me to monitor my contractions. I still wasn't dilated at all, but I never dilated with A even after 16 hours of hard labor. Sure enough, I was in labor so they called Dr. F. She told them to admit me for surgery at 8pm. Things started happening really fast from that point on. My Mom arrived and they prepped me for surgery. Before I knew it S and my Mom changed into scrubs and were put in the surgery waiting area. After an extremely painful spinal block where the anesthesiologist missed my spinal cord 4 different times and then told me there must be something wrong with me because she couldn't get the needle in. Bitch, I am contracting and have a uterus the size of an aircraft carrier. Don't fuck with me right now.
After what seemed like forever they tested me for numbness, my doctor came in and chatted with me for a while while they prepped me. S and my Mom were let in. Everything seemed so surreal. All the nurses and doctors were chatting while they were working. The only indication that there was actual surgery going on was the occasional pause in conversation with my Dr. asking for some surgical tools or the smell of my cauterized flesh wafting over the drape. I felt some tugging and realized that we were very close. My Mom and S were watching them trying to get little W out and S told me later it was a good thing I couldn't see what was going on because apparently she was stuck in there good. My Mom said that Dr. F was pulling so hard her face was turning red and the assisting doctor was pushing down on my upper abdomen while leaning into it with his feet off the ground. At one point they called for reinforcements because they weren’t sure they could get her out. My Mom said she almost felt like passing out at one point but looked down at my face and saw I wasn't in any discomfort. At 9:21pm little W was born quietly into the world. S cut the cord while my Mom took a million pictures. I started shaking and feeling cold which is a reaction to the blood loss and anesthesia. Dr. F informed me that I had a lot of scar tissue and that it was going to take her a while to sew me up. S stayed like glue with baby W while they checked her out.
It took the doctor so long to sew me up that I was starting to get really worried. Luckily the anesthesiologist warned me before the most uncomfortable part happened...the stuffing of my aircraft carrier sized uterus back into the incision. I can't even describe what that feels like, but even numbed up it was extremely uncomfortable.

W started nursing like a champ in the recovery room and stayed pretty much latched on to my ni.pple for 48 hour straight. My hospital stay was very restful, although I was desperately wanting to see my little A and wondering how he was going to take having a little baby around.

So far everything has been very very good. A has had his temper tantrums and jealousy and I have felt like the worst mom in the world, but what else is new? W is a dream baby…very calm and even tempered. She sleeps pretty well at night, which is all I can ask.

Which brings us to this blog. My 40 weeks is officially up and I really don’t think continuing here has a point. Here is my new blog

www.18yearsandcounting.blogspot.com

You are welcome to join me.

She's here....

As of Wednesday, April 9th at 9:21pm. 8lbs, 15 oz and 20.5 inches long. More details when I have time...

38 week appt

My 38 week appt was yesterday and all is looking well. GBS test came back negative, which doesn't really matter since I am having a c-section anyway, but it is nice to know just the same. I have 11 days to go until my section date and honestly it can't come fast enough for me. I am feeling very ungainly and tired and just ready to get this baby out. The doctor estimated yesterday that she is already 8.5 pounds and I am not surprised. My abdomen looks like it is about to split like a ripe watermelon...and feels that way too.
My sleep at night is just awful. I am waking up at least every half hour to hour to change positions because my hips start to ache. Or I am waking up to pee. Either way, I am not getting much rest. S gets up at 5:30 am to start his shower which wakes me up. Usually, A will hear the shower start and come in around 5:45 am to try to start the day. I will make him go back to bed until at least 6. I feel like a zombie most days and unfortunately for A my patience with him is very very thin. Especially when he gets up at 5:50 am today to tell me that he has peed all over his bed because he took his pull up off in the middle of the night so he could "feel the softie blankets on his pe.nis." Yeah.
I can tell little Dippe is totally out of room in her little womb house. She doesn't really have overt movement any more, just squirms and pokes. She still gets upset when I have a full bladder. I am sure anything that takes up more room in my abdomen makes her uncomfortable. I would love for her to come any day now but I am not holding my breath. A came a day late. I am regretting not taking the section date for Wednesday the 9th. I didn't do it because it wasn't convenient for S or my Mom (who is planning on being in the OR during the surgery). Now I am thinking, "Who the fuck cares if it was inconvenient for them?"
My last OB appt is Wednesday. I can't believe that in 11 days time I will have another child. For her sake I hope she is an easy baby.

Update and 37 week appt

Well, Monday evening I get a call from the office manager of my OB's office. She listened to my tale of woe and then apologized profusely. She agreed that I had a valid gripe about being rescheduled so many times and admitted that while reschedules are par for the course in obstetrics the amount that I had received in a row was excessive and wrong. She told me that my doctor would be calling me back later in the evening to confirm my c-section date. I felt better after the phone call because at least then I knew that it had been brought to her attention by someone in the office and hopefully that meant that no one else would have to go into hysterics to get treated fairly.
My doctor called a couple of hours later and had already spoken to the office manager. She, also, apologized and explained that the lady who was at fault in all the scheduling mistakes had been taken off of that position indefinitely until she can retrain and have a much needed attitude adjustment. She gave me three tentative dates for my c-section and said she would have the hospital liaison call me back to confirm a time the next day. She also tentatively made an appt with me for Weds (today) at 10:30am for my 37 week appt. She told me that she was supposed to scrub in at 9am for a c-section but that she was just assisting with that operation and that I should call around 9am the morning of the appointment to see if the she started on time. That way, if she were running late I would know and be able to leave my home accordingly. All in all, she said that they were using my situation as an example for their next staff meeting of their piss poor customer service and promised that things would be better.
As promised, the scheduler called the next day with the date and time of my c-section (April 14th, 7:30am).
I made plans with a friend to watch A because I knew they would be giving me my GBS test today and I didn't want him in the room distracting the doctor while she was sticking her finger up my butt and a swab in my vagina. Also, I wanted to make sure that if she were late I wouldn't have to worry about keeping A entertained.
As directed, I called the office this morning at about 9:15, just as I was leaving the house to drop Angus off. The receptionist said, "Well, I have no idea whether or not Dr. F started surgery on time. She didn't call to say she was running late so just assume that no news is good news and go ahead and come on in as scheduled." I drop Angus off and am on my merry way. My cell phone rings as I am about 80% of the way to the office. "Hi, this is the Receptionist from Dr. F's office. Her surgery has been pushed back an hour and a half so we are going to have to.... (wait for it)....reschedule you for another time next week."
At this point I just start hysterically laughing. What else is there to do? Really, I just can't win for losing at this point. I am actually quite calm about the whole thing because I don't have A with me so making a 1.5 hour round trip for nothing isn't as big a deal.
I say, "Well, I can't come back in this afternoon and since this is my second rescheduled appt this WEEK I am going to have to pass on coming back at all. It is a waste of gas and a waste of my time. Since I am already almost there, is there any way that I can just come in and have my blood pressure and urine tested and leave?" She puts me on hold to see what she can do. My doctor's assistant comes on the phone and starts apologizing profusely and mentioning bad luck and Murphy's law over and over again. She states that another doctor (Dr. Boogernose) will be able to see me when I arrive. I am fine with that. Honestly, I just want to get this appointment over with.
I get to the office and the receptionist doesn't even have to ask for my name, which is a first. When I come out of the bathroom from giving my sample there is a lady standing in the hallway waiting for me. She introduces herself as the office manager and shakes my hand. Then she tells me that Dr. F is 15 minutes out and will be here to see me. Imagine my surprise!
After months of never seeing my doctor and being rescheduled over and over I finally get to see her. She is just as warm and kind as I remember her. She looks a little flustered and told me that she drove like a bat out of hell to get to the office for my appointment but she is here and here just for me.
She checks my dilation (nothing) and tells me the baby is face up which is the worst position for vaginal delivery in terms of pain. I am measuring right on track and the baby's heartbeat was 136. I have gained 36 pounds (ugh). Then she pokes her finger in my butt, and swabs my vagina. Talk about anticlimactic.
Now the waiting game commences. Will I make it to April 14th as planned? I am seriously doubting it. Although Angus was a day past his due date, he came 3 days before my scheduled c-section date. I just have an intuition that Dippe will be making her grand appearance sooner than that. But what the hell do I know? It may just be wishful thinking on my part.
My next appointment is a week from today. 19 days to go before Dippe makes her scheduled appearance. Now that I don't have my doctor's office to focus my stress on I am going to have to freak out about something else now. I am sure I will find something.

You won't believe it

Went in for my OB appointment today and guess what? The doctor wasn't even there...she was at the hospital delivering another woman's baby.
I am beyond upset. I made another 45 minute trip only to be rescheduled...again. I was so upset I couldn't even speak and then I burst into tears. I had to call my husband on the phone to calm myself down. Why didn't they call to tell me she wasn't even there? AGAIN? My poor son spends 1.5 hours in the car for absolutely nothing.
After all the guarantees that I would see my doctor today I have been let down again. S suggested that I have her call me today to schedule the c-section and air out my grievances. He also suggested asking her for a referral to another doctor if she can't see me this week.
Pregnancy shouldn't be like this. I am regretting not changing doctors sooner.

36 weeks and more OB Woes

So, I get a call this morning an hour and a half before my scheduled appt time. The appt desk was calling to let me know that the doctor I was supposed to see is out sick and they need to reschedule me. Again. In case you are counting this is the 5th fucking time I have been rescheduled. So I went completely apeshit on the woman (I didn't yell, just told her what I thought of the fact that I have been rescheduled so many times). She ends up telling me that it is not her fault the doctor is sick (true) and that I need to "work with her." I tell her that I am tired of working with this office and that I am about ready to take my business elsewhere. She asks me to come in at my regular appointment time to day and I can see Dr. Boogernose who happens to have a spot at almost my same time (10 mins earlier). I agree, double checking that this is not the doctor on call today because if I am on my way to the office and get rescheduled again I will probably go on a fucking rampage and blow some shit up.
I arrive 10 minutes early with A. in tow. We sign in. We wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. For an hour. A FUCKING HOUR IN THE WAITING ROOM WITH A TWO YEAR OLD. I finally get up and go to the window. The receptionist, seeing my face probably red with fury, assures me that I am going to get called back right now. We go back to the room and the medical assistant takes my blood pressure, 130/90. She looks surprised and asks if I have ever had high blood pressure before. I say, "Well, my blood pressure is probably high because I have been waiting in the waiting room for an hour trying to entertain my two year old after having my appointment rescheduled for the 5th time today." She looks at me, surprised and says, "Sorry. Well, Dr. Oncall will be in very soon." Wait a minute. Not Dr. Boogernose?
The reception desk has fucked me once again. And lied to me. If I had known that the doctor I was seeing was going to be the on call doctor I would've just skipped this appointment all together. Being seen tomorrow wasn't an option as I already had commitments made that I had to attend to. I explained this all to the woman on the phone and it didn't matter. I still got screwed.
Dr. Oncall (who was the Dr. I mentioned previously that wore the "fuck me" stiletto boots at another appt) comes in and we have our typical appt. She asks me if I had any questions and I ask her if I am ever going to have an appointment with MY doctor, since I have three weeks left. Because I would like to schedule my c-section (more on this in a minute). She tells me she will give the reception desk a note giving me permission to see my doctor early next week so we can schedule it as soon as possible. Then she tells me they have to recheck my blood pressure but not to worry they will get the arm cuff "For bigger arms." I swear, if my head could've popped off right then it would've. Now I am being told I have "big arms."
My blood pressure was fine by then and they let me go. I scheduled my appt with my doctor for this Monday. And I swear to god if this appointment gets rescheduled I am going to change doctors and take my insurance money for my big, fat c-section elsewhere.
I have decided to just pass on the VBAC. I was reading the blog of a woman whose child ended up with cerebral palsy due to complications during labor. I know that this is a small concern for the average woman. But for the pelvically challenged like me the risk of something happening (cord compression, shoulder dystocia, etc) is greater. Honestly, it isn't that important to me to take the risk at this point. Yes, recovery is going to suck. And yes, there are risks to major surgery. However, I am just not willing to try anything else at this point.
The doctor told me today that Dippe feels like a big baby. I am measuring a week ahead. On Monday I will know my baby's birthdate. Or I will be finding a new doctor.

35 Weeks

Please let these next few weeks go by fast. I am feeling gigantic and stretched very, very thin. This gigantic baby within me feels like she wants to punch her way out and do some break dancing. I am sure she is very cramped in there and yet she still makes these gigantic movements every now and then that are very painful. Seriously it feels like my belly is going to split in two when she does this. She is getting more and more hiccups lately too, which allows me to truly see that she is head down. The hiccups are usually on my left side and down so I guess she hasn't engaged in my pelvis yet.
I forgot to post a new symptom...leaking breasts. Fun, and fashionable. They are leaking a bit later this time than with A. I hope my milk comes in more quickly than it did with A. Those couple of days with just colostrum were tough for the both of us. Luckily the nurses gave us one of those SNS things that let me supplement with a little formula to stop the constant crying but allow me to get the nip*ple stimulation I needed.
In addition to leaking breasts I have terrible indigestion right now too, which I didn't get with A at all. T*ums have become my after dinner mint of choice.
I figure I should probably go out and buy all the stuff I will need for my hospital bag this next week. And fish the car seat out the garage to wash all the fabric parts on it. I can't believe that within a month's time (hopefully) this baby will be here.
So, if you see a gigantically pregnant woman at Target this weekend downing T*ums with two wet patches on her shirt purchasing tiny travel sized bottles of shampoo, mattress sized maxi pads, and breast pads just look the other way.

OB DOA?

I haven't seen MY actual OB in 4 months because I am in a rotating practice and there are 6 doctors in it. 2 appts ago I was supposed to see her because she was up next on my rotation. The morning of the appointment I get to the office and find out she was on call that day and someone was having a baby so she was at the hospital. Luckily they had another doctor squeeze me in so it wasn't a wasted trip (I drive 45 minutes one way to get to this office. The length of time is so long because of terrible traffic). When I talked to the lady at the appointment desk I told her it would've been nice to know that I wasn't seeing my doctor that day. She flips me an attitude and says, "Well, I DID call your house at 8:30 to tell you." My appointment was at 9:00 am. I tried to explain to her that I have to leave at least 1 hour ahead of time to make sure I get to my appointments, especially during rush hour traffic. So, calling me 30 minutes before the appointment is supposed to start doesn't do anything for me. So they schedule my next appointment with my OB. 3 days after I schedule the appt they call me to tell me that my OB won't be in the office that day, so I need to see another doctor. I guess my doctor decided to be out of the office for a week, so it isn't possible to see her. Now, I am getting pissed. That is 2 reschedules in a row and it has been months since I have seen my actual OB. Finally, they just skip her on the rotation and schedule my appointment for today with another doctor. I figure it is annoying but once I reach 36 weeks I will see her only every week so I decide not to say anything about it. I get to the appointment desk and schedule my appt for 2 weeks from now with my OB (finally). I am on my way to the park today with Angus and my cell phone rings. It is MY F*&KING OB'S OFFICE CALLING TO RESCHEDULE MY APPOINTMENT!!!!!! Apparently the front office staff messed up and my doctor has JURY DUTY the week of my appointment. My 36 week appointment! Where they will be doing my Group B Strep test and also possibly scheduling my c-section. I was waiting to talk to MY doctor to really discuss in depth the VBAC and now I won't be seeing her until I am 37 weeks (if I make it that long. Hey, you never know) unless they reschedule me, of course. I was so pissed off that I asked the appointment scheduler if I should just change doctors right now because I am wasting my time driving 45 minutes one way to an office that I have only stayed with because I love my OB so much (when I see her). Luckily the scheduler was nice and let me pick my next favorite doctor to see and any time or day I wanted (which probably means somebody else got bumped but at this point I don't care). The hospital that she has privileges at is also 30-45 minutes away and there are two hospitals that are a 20 minute drive away. There are many things that would be more convenient about finding a doctor closer. I don't know how impossible it would be to find an OB this late in the game but after today I am considering it. It just seems like it would be more of a hassle than its worth right now and to be honest I am scared of picking a new doctor right now when I might be having a repeat c-section. I don't like the idea of a doctor I have only known for 5 appointments doing major surgery on me. If you have made it this far please tell me what would you do? Would you change doctors? Would you mention any of this to your regular OB? What exactly would you say? Am I just being hormonal or does 3 rescheduled appointments seem like a lot? Oh, and my appointment today went well. Dippe is healthy, I am a cranky whale...its all good.

I'm a whale

I saw a picture of myself taken in profile and I have to say I am a whale. Or the prow of a ship. And I am getting stretch marks in places I didn't get them with my son, which is a bummer. I seem to be carrying all out in front instead of all around like I did with A. Oh well, that is the price you pay for being pregnant and eating like a pig.
I have an appointment on Wednesday...my 2nd to last appt before I go to weekly appts. Hard to believe that I am only 4 weeks away from being full term. This last month went by so quickly! I would never want to endanger the life of the baby, but I wouldn't be sad if she came a little early instead of waiting the whole 40 weeks like her big brother did.
I am still vacillating between doing a VBAC and just scheduling a c-section and getting it over with. I do feel weird picking out the birthday of the baby, although with A. he came 3 days before his scheduled section any way. I have a feeling as I get closer to 40 weeks I will be more desirous just to get things over with in the quickest way possible for my own selfish reasons.
I waited in line for 2 hours on Saturday morning to register A for preschool. He didn't get in to the 3 day a week program because it was already full (WTF? We were first in line) but he will be attending the 2 day a week program which is exciting for the both of us. I think the time I get to spend alone with Dippe 2 days a week will be beneficial to all three of us. Plus, I think A will be excited to have all the stimulation that comes with being in preschool. I know he gets bored some days with just me trying to interact with him. The transition will be rough because he doesn't do too well in new situations. But I think he will be okay after going a couple of times.
That weird pain in my back from last week came back this morning and stayed around until close to 3pm. It didn't get as bad as it did then, but maybe that is because I took some tylenol preemptively as soon as I felt the discomfort. I have no idea what Dippe is pressing on in there to make that pain but I wish she would knock it off.
I am going on a Mom's retreat next weekend and I am thrilled. My patience with my husband and my son has been not so great lately, so a weekend away is going to be a much needed break for all of us. I went apeshit on S today for moving my purse in the car because I thought my sunglasses had fallen out when he moved it...only to discover my glasses were still in my purse, just at the bottom where I couldn't see them. S just looked at me with a smirk and didn't say anything, but I felt like a real horse's ass for flying off the handle so quickly. I am sure S and A are probably just as ready for this pregnancy to be over as I am.

32 Weeks

Well, I gained like 4 pounds in two weeks. Oops. I am trying not to beat myself up about it too much by just rationalizing that every non-baby pound I gain I will just have to lose after the baby is born. Which isn't really working. Oh well.
I had my 32 week appt today. Everything is looking fine. The doctor who freaked me out by telling me that I was measuring 2 weeks large told me today that I am now right on track. So, I got the guts to ask her what exactly that meant. She said, "Oh, nothing. It is normal to measure +/- 3 weeks. Don't worry about it." How irritating. That would've been nice information to know when she freaked me the fuck out a couple of months ago with her, "Wow, you are measuring huge!" comment.
I had a little scare happen yesterday afternoon. I woke up from my afternoon nap with a weird pain around my kidney area on the right side. It felt like a stabbing pain that just wouldn't go away. Of course, I feared the worst and immediately starting freaking out. Which made the pain worse. Poor little A didn't know what to do because he has never seen me like that. So he got his little step stool and was trying to find me a band-aid to "make it all better." It was so sweet. He even gave me kisses on the face to make me feel better...which from him is a precious gift nowadays. It got worse so I called S and asked him where he was on his drive home and luckily he was only 10 mins away. Of course, right before he gets home the pain stops. I have no idea what it was but it hasn't come back. I asked the doctor about it and she just said the baby was probably pressing on some nerve bundles and that caused the pain. It certainly didn't feel like labor...just a weird pain.
I have no new symptoms to report. Dippe is still moving around like crazy. I am getting bigger. My hands are too swollen to wear my wedding set now. I really am lucky that this time my face has stayed clear. I also don't have a linea negra to speak of, but with A by this time I had a very faint one. My hips still ache all night long and I am not sleeping well.
We got to see Dippe on Saturday at my stepdad's office. She was putting her hands around her face and sucking her thumb. It was adorable to watch. We got some pictures but not very good ones. A wasn't too impressed...he wanted to mess with the ultrasound machine and was quite put out when he didn't get to. Then my stepdad did an ultrasound on his heart and stomach and all was well.
My friend from the Mom's Club just delivered on Tuesday an 11 pound baby. Holy shit! I still haven't heard if she managed that vaginally but I am impressed nonetheless. Dear lord, please let this baby not be 11 pounds.

31 weeks

And still coughing. Stupid flu just won't go away. I think I am making up for all the calories I missed when I was on my death bed two weeks ago, however. I just powered down fries and fried zucchini from Carl's Jr with Ranch. Man was it good. I also ate some cookies today, had a blizzard at TCBY, and basically snacked my way through the house. It wasn't pretty. Oh well. And this weekend I will be visiting my Mom for her birthday and she is always trying to stuff me full of food even when I am not pregnant so the week will probably end up being not so great in the weight gain department. Hopefully, Dippe is going through a growth spurt so this will all just wash out. Ha!
I woke up this morning with my old friend sciatica shooting through my right leg. Ugh. I am much farther along this time than with A when it started acting up, which is definitely a blessing. The pain went away mid-day, so I am hoping that it is just irritated from the sleeping positions I am in. The baby may be resting on something that is irritating the nerve. Unfortunately, there is not much I can do about that. Except deliver this baby in 8 weeks.
Dippe is still moving around regularly. She has been giving me very powerful thumps to the cervix which make me gasp in pain every so often. Who knew such a little thing could be so strong?
For some reason my sleeping has been better. My hips still ache and wake me up, but the time between wake ups seems to be increasing. I am grateful for any length longer than two hours, especially since A has taken to waking up at 6am sharp every morning. Luckily, he is so tired from waking up so early that he is relatively compliant about taking naps.
My stepdad is a Urologist and has his own in office ultrasound machine. While we are visiting this weekend we will get a sneak peek at Dippe again. His probe is a different size than the one they use for OB ultrasounds, however, so it does look very different. We did the same thing with A and got to see him sucking his little thumb. But we won't be able to see anything as detailed as an anatomy scan. For some reason I am paranoid that Dippe is actually Dip and all this pink stuff in the baby's room will be all wasted. My mom was like, "The baby won't know" and that is true, if Dippe were actually a boy he would have no idea he was wearing pink flowered outfits. I am usually not one to fall into gender stereotyping myself. But I have to admit that it would bother me having to explain to perfect strangers that my daughter was actually a son. And I would feel obligated to explain. I find it interesting that my mom would be okay with dressing a boy up like a girl, but almost had a heart attack when we mentioned we weren't planning on circumcising A. I guess her open mindedness only goes so far.

On the mend

Thanks for the comments on my last post. I feel so ungrateful when I complain about anything while being pregnant. There was a time not too long ago that I would've endured anything if it meant that I would be pregnant and have a real live baby in the end. And I know so many people who still feel that way. I should be more appreciative of the blessings I do have in life instead of focusing so much on what I don't have.
I finally got some sleep over the weekend, with the exception of Saturday, which I will explain in a moment. I actually took 2 naps on Sunday and then went to bed early that night. I woke up this morning still feeling tired but definitely better than I did on Friday.
On Saturday my wonderful girlfriends threw me the most beautiful baby shower you ever did see! And it was a total surprise!
Here is a picture of the set up
There were 20 ladies in attendance, including my sister and my mom (who made a surprise 3 hour trip just to come). Everything was pink and brown to match Dippe's room.
One of the best presents was the bedroom set that my Mom sewed. It turned out just beautiful and I am so grateful that my mom is such a crafty lady and so generous with her gift.
There is a matching bumper pad and dust ruffle. She had left over material and is sewing some curtains to match. Love that woman!
Here is a picture of all the lovely ladies in attendance. I am the one in the dead center with the long dark hair and dark shirt. Sorry, no close ups..I am very self conscious of how I am looking right now.
I got so many wonderful gifts, the tea nibbles were amazing, and it was definitely a good end to what was a very long and tiring week. I am so lucky to have such great friends and family!
Now I have to write out all the thank you notes...the only bad part.
I had my 30 week appt today and now I start appts every 2 weeks. Hard to believe that I am 10 weeks away now.

Remember

Dear Cate,
Its days like today that you need to remember the next time you even vaguely consider having any more babies.
Remember that feeling in the shower this morning of complete and utter despair because you are about to have 12 two year olds descend upon your house in 30 minutes and you got 4 hours of broken sleep the night before because you were up all night coughing because you have been sick with the flu for 5 days and you are exhausted.
Remember how you cried your head off today because your son spent playgroup acting out on the other kids and how you blamed yourself for his behavior because you haven't been able to give him as much undivided attention this week.
Remember how you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and thought it was someone else because your face is so bloated and your eye sockets are dark from lack of sleep and general pregnancy hormones.
Remember the desperation you felt when you started picturing having another little one after A had his umpteenth meltdown of the day.
Please read this letter when and if you start feeling any sort of desire to get pregnant again.
Lots of love,
Your exhausted, frazzled, and having a moment of clarity self,
Cate

Hiccups

Dippe finally got her first set of hiccups last night. Well the first set that I could feel. It is such a strange experience feeling a baby hiccuping inside you. Honestly, I was getting a little weirded out picturing a baby inside me getting the hiccups. Just makes everything seem more real.
A had terrible hiccups in utero. He would get them at the same time every night, right before I would fall asleep.
My feelings of apprehension about being a mother of two is starting to give way to excitement. I am looking forward to meeting little Dippe and hoping that having a newborn around isn't too traumatic for my son.

The third trimester

Holy frickin' crap! Where did the time go? Seems like I was just talking about puking my guts out and getting too big for regular clothes. Now all of a sudden I am double digits in days away from meeting Dippe. And scared shitless.
There is something to be said for the ignorance of a first time pregnancy. You don't know the enormity of what is to come. You can spend your time imagining all the blissful moments you experience having a newborn around. Picturing the wonder of motherhood you fold and refold all the little clothes and try to imagine meeting your little one for the first time after your perfect, glorious birth.
Then the baby arrives and your world is turned upside down.
With A, I was totally unprepared for the constancy of motherhood and the inevitability of the mistakes I would make, not only as a first time mom, but as a human being. Every day brought new situations that I had no idea how to handle. I felt inadequate as a mother and wondered constantly how my son would ever survive to adulthood with a bumbling idiot for a mom.
Obviously I made it through and my son is still alive. I still feel like a miserable failure at parenting >80% of the time, but I guess that is okay since it is down from 100% at the time of his birth. Everyone tells me that the newborn stage the 2nd time around is easier. I am hoping that they are right.
Dippe is a very active little one right now. She kicks and punches and moves around all the time. She also gets herself caught in very uncomfortable places still. Now that she is bigger it hurts more when she gets "stuck."
According to my pregnancy books she is able to hear sounds from outside the womb now and is opening her eyes. I wonder what she sees in there? I wonder what she hears? She will probably come out reciting Hop on Pop and Fox in Socks since I am reading those books to A at least 10 times a day each (at his request).
I feel like a whale and I still have 3 months to get bigger. I am nervous about being a newborn mom again. I am wondering what little Dippe will look, act, sound, and smell like. I am looking forward to being done with pregnancy once and for all.

26 week appt today

To VBAC or not to VBAC, that is the question.
I got to see my second favorite doctor in the practice today. She has the same very low key approach to pregnancy as my doctor, which is very refreshing. In fact, if I didn't love my main doctor so much I would probably switch to this doctor.
We had a very interesting conversation about Vaginal Birth after Cesarean today. I never really got to labor with A. My sister was diagnosed with Cephalopelvic Disproportion while giving birth to her first daughter and ended up having an emergency c-section. Long story short, I guess I have a narrow pelvis too (which is a total laugh because my ass and hips look like the classic "birthing" kind). My dr. informed me that I could probably squeeze an 8 pounder through, but anything bigger than that would be near impossible. A was 9lbs 2 oz and delivered by c-section. I had a c-section scheduled but ended up going into labor 2 days before on my own. I was in labor for approximately 12 hours with no change in my cervix and since we had already scheduled the c-section my doctor ended up doing one.
I always wondered if I should've pressed the issue more and at least attempted to get to active labor to see what happened. Honestly, after experiencing so many losses I was just happy to get a live baby out of the whole process and didn't care about how he got here. So I just trusted my doctor's instincts and went ahead with the c-section.
Now Dr. #2 is telling me that she thinks a VBAC would be appropriate here and that there really is no way to predict how big the baby will be and how everything will turn out. Also, they can't force me to do a repeat c-section. Why wasn't this stuff brought up the first time? I kind of got the impression from MY doctor that a c-section was the only way to go even though it was my first attempt at delivery.
I just don't know what to do now. I want the baby to get here safely. I also want to attempt a birth the old fashioned way. There are risks to repeat c-section as well as to a VBAC. Do I let my desire for a vaginal birth lead me down a path that could end up in having an emergency c-section due to failure to progress? Or a possible uterine rupture causing fetal death or hysterectomy (the risk is <1%)?
I just don't know. And the doctor couldn't give me the magic answer I was looking for. She couldn't say either way what would be best. She basically told me that the decision is up to me.
In other news, my uterus is still measuring two weeks ahead, my GTT was normal, and everything is looking very healthy.
And I think I have decided on a name.

By the way

If you ever get tired of the baby stuff, I do have another blog. I have to warn you, though, I mainly use it to vent about stuff that I wouldn't normally talk about in real life. So there is a lot of bitching and swearing on it. I also say a lot of very ugly things.
I am still kind of timid about sharing the link, so let me know if you would like to read it and I will email you.

Not too much to report

I am getting rather large but not too uncomfortable yet, except for sleeping. I am probably not getting more than 2-3 hours of sleep at a time. My hips are still killing me and I end up tossing and turning from side to side all night trying to get comfortable. This is exactly what happened with A's pregnancy.
In addition to having aching hips, my pea sized bladder makes me get up every 2 hours anyway. There is nothing more annoying than sitting on the toilet at 3 am feeling like you have to pee a waterfall and only a tiny trickle comes out. I figure if I am going to get my ass out of bed and sit on that cold toilet seat the least my bladder could do is oblige me with the god damn Niagara Falls shooting out. Dippe has taken to kicking my bladder repeatedly if it is even the slightest bit full, which also adds to the fun.
Dippe has been very active lately, especially in the evening. I have no idea if its kicks or punches but she does it a lot, especially at the top of my uterus. Speaking of my uterus, it must be gigantic. They haven't done an official tape measurement at my appointments yet, but it feels like it is pretty high up there. Makes me worried that I am going to feel more uncomfortable faster this time around.
I am in the midst of potty training A and I have to say that lack of sleep is making my patience very thin. Not to mention the fact that he is deep in the "terrible twos" and doesn't listen to a word I say unless it involves candy or toys. We have been trying the super*nanny techniques for time outs which doesn't really seem to be working. The only reason I say that is because he will get a time out for something, come out of time out, then go and do the thing he just got put in time out for doing. I get scared because in a few months I will be adding a newborn to this mess and I wonder how I am going to handle it all.
Please, please, please let Dippe be one of those "easy" babies I have heard so much about.