Movement

There is definitely something alive inside me. This being has been giving me subtle little kicks or punches every now and then to remind me that he or she is in there. They are very gentle right now, but I know what is to come. A spent the last trimester of my pregnancy kicking the every living shit out of my right side. For some reason he hated it when I would lie on my right side at night and would wake me up kicking and punching me until I rolled over.
I would love to say that I am full of wonder and delight at feeling baby bean dip move, but honestly I find this part of pregnancy a little disturbing. Not only does the baby moving around feel really strange, but when you can see your stomach roiling around with all of its little twists and turns it gets really bizarre. I always have the vague feeling of the guy in Alien just before the alien pops out of his stomach. Something to look forward to, I guess.
I am still feeling nauseous on and off. Mostly I feel pretty good with the exception of being very tired. I am not sleeping well due to very strange dreams and not being able to get comfy. But, like I said in my last post, I don't expect this to get any better for the next 2 years.
I am going through some intense guilt lately about what A will have to deal with when his sibling is born. Sometimes I feel stupid for thinking I can handle two. Mostly I feel like this time with A is precious because I won't have him all to myself ever again. There is something special about spending quality one on one time with your only child. I feel like I should be taking advantage of the time we have left by doing some quality bonding. I hope when he is in therapy later he doesn't blame me (too much) for ruining his life by having another child.
My emotions seem to be getting the better of me lately as well. I feel like crying a lot. Probably because I feel guilty about everything lately. I also feel very intense love for my son and my husband, except when I am feeling annoyed with them which happens just as often and occasionally at the same time.