Almost 25 weeks...

The baby fever has finally started to hit. I see babies everywhere and I want to hold them. I heard a newborn baby crying in the next aisle at Target the other day and it was all I could do not to run over there and pull that little thing right out of his car seat and cuddle him. I am amazed that I didn't spontaneously start lactating. I can't believe that I will have one of those little things in a matter of weeks. 15 to be exact.

This weekend my Mom and I picked out the fabric for Dippe's crib bedding. If she is anything like A. she won't be sleeping in her crib for a while but it is always nice to have the room all set up. What I like best about the bedding is that it has minimal pink. Just pink accents, which are very pale and not over powering. I like pink as a color. In fact, it is one of my favorite colors to wear myself. For some reason, however, I just have issues with the fact that most girls clothes are pink. And most girls bedding is pink. Just like most boys' clothes are blue.
I know there are better things to think about. But it is fun to indulge in tiny little baby clothes with little details like matching shoes and hats. Because babydom is really the only time when you can get away with wearing an ensemble that has a hat, shoes, and outfit all made of the same matching material.

I can't believe that I am only 3 weeks away from the 3rd trimester. Where has the time gone? I have a feeling these next few months are going to go by so fast. This time of year always does for me. Once Christmas and New Year's are over there is a birthday or two every month until June. Needless to say, it is a busy time of year for me.

Next week I will be going in for my GTT. I am half scared I won't pass. With PCOS there is a higher risk of gestational diabetes.

Baby Bean Dippe has been very active lately. She also keeps getting stuck in uncomfortable places and squirming around until she gets herself unstuck. I feel like I want to just reach in and move her out of the way myself because all of her squirming is very uncomfortable. I was reading that already she is starting to run out of room in my uterus, which would explain all the squirming. I hope she does some redecorating because she still has almost 4 more months of occupancy.

Doctor's Appt

I am now 22 weeks 2 days gestation. And I have gained 15 pounds. Stupid cookies.
My appt. went well. Quickest appt I have had since I found out I was pregnant. I didn't have to wait the customary 15-20 minutes before I got into the exam room, which was a nice surprise. The Dr. has gotten a new assistant and she was very nice.
The doctor himself was very nice as well..his bedside manner has improved greatly. The only problem was that he had a gigantic booger hanging out of his nose. I was so distracted by it that I could barely pay attention to what he said the whole time he was talking to me. I kept trying to avoid looking at it, but my eyes would drift down and then I would get grossed out and look away. Yes, I know I should've said something but I don't know the guy very well and am a chicken shit. If it had been a friend I would've. I feel bad now. Hopefully his assistant noticed and helped him out.
Anyway, my ultrasound results were in as well as the AFP results. Everything was normal, which is wonderful. Next is my GTT in 3-4 weeks and then it is cruising like a bloated viking ship towards delivering this little girl. Hopefully I make it through the holidays without packing on any more pounds. I think I am doing okay compared to Angus, though. I couldn't wear my wedding rings by this time in his pregnancy.
You may be thinking, "Why is she so obsessed with her weight gain?" Well, because I realized how stupid I was in my pregnancy with Angus by eating like a fiend and gaining so much weight. It was a bitch to lose and took me over a year (not a year from when he was born, a year from when I started actually trying. Angus was actually 8 months old) to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. So, I am trying to be more sensible this time. I am 3 years older this go around, and my body just doesn't bounce back as well.

Smooth Sailing

Nothing new to report on the pregnancy front. All is going well. I am feeling pretty good with the exception of feeling tired. My sleep is still very disrupted by pee breaks and freakish dreams. Not to mention my hips aching like an 80 year old woman's because I'm not supposed to sleep on my back. So I am rolling around all night trying to find a comfortable position and taking my 30 body support pillows with me at each change of position. It doesn't make for a very restful night.
Baby Bean Dippe is moving around like crazy at night too. I wake up in the middle of the night wondering why I am awake and then feel her punching and kicking around. I wonder what she is doing in there...having a house party?
My next appt is this coming Friday in the morning. I am scared to see how much weight I have gained. The holiday eating has been out of control and I haven't even reached Christmas yet. I am also not looking forward to seeing the doctor. He was the one doctor in the practice that I didn't really like during Angus' pregnancy. His bedside manner is terrible and his assistant is a jerk. She was the only one that hassled me last time about my weight gain, which wasn't really that bad. Mi*lla Jovo*vich just had a baby and gained 90 pounds during her pregnancy. I gained half that. Of course, she is half my size so who knows what that means?
Anyway, everything is going well.

Kicking her way to freedom

Baby Bean Dippe (see the extra "pe" at the end of Dip? That is the feminine spelling of Dip, in case you didn't know) seems to be trying to kick her way to freedom. Or maybe punch. It could be both, since I have no idea where she is actually sitting in my uterus. With A, I would receive this treatment mainly when I was lying on my right side at night. For some reason he really hated when I did that and would kick and punch me until I rolled over. Dippe seems to be having a free for all on my cervix and bladder. This makes me wonder if she really is a soccer player in training...my bladder is sort of ball shaped, right? Perhaps she is doing drills in there, preparing herself for World Cup 2027?
On the symptoms front, my face has suddenly broken out in teenage acne, but only on one side of my face. Weird. Also, I have been having an unquenchable thirst lately, which doesn't seem to go away for very long. I guess I should be doubling my normal water intake since my blood volume has doubled? I don't know, but that is a lot of water to be drinking for someone who has suddenly developed a pea sized bladder and has a future soccer player kicking at her bladder for hours on end.
Surprisingly, I have been very healthy this pregnancy as far as colds go. With A, I was sick pretty regularly. At least once every 6 weeks. I am now halfway through my pregnancy and have only had one cold. This is amazing, especially since A has been sick a few times and hasn't managed to pass it to me.
My next doctor's appointment is in 3 weeks. I am not looking forward to stepping on the scale. Darn scones.

All is well

Baby Bean Dip is measuring right on target. I guess my 9lb 2 oz son stretched my uterus out so much that it is just 2 weeks bigger than it should be. Who knows? I am just breathing a sigh of relief that the baby looks healthy and happy in there.
As for the sex...well, you can push me over with a feather. Its a girl! I am very surprised and a little scared. My sister has 2 girls and they are the drama queens of the century. Always getting their feelings hurt, crying all the time, and generally extremely touchy little people. A is such a rough and tumble kid, sensitive yes, but not disposed to drama in the least. I am not sure how I am going to deal with a girl child that is extremely girly or frilly...two things I am not. I didn't even know how to pluck my eyebrows until my sister held me down and made me do it in high school.
And please keep the name suggestions coming...I have no idea what we are going to name this little girl. Damn, my boy's name was so cool, too.

Doctor's Appt today

18 week appointment today. Baby Bean Dip's heart rate measured 166 bpm, which is normal. I met one of the new doctors to the practice and was less than impressed. As she was palpating my uterus she exclaims, "Wow, your uterus is all the way to your belly button! That is really big for an 18 weeker!" Me, stunned, says, "Well, could it be because this is my second child?" She gives me a blank look and says, "Uh, yeah, I guess so." And then continues on, business as usual.
What the fuck? Why would you say that to a pregnant woman? Or anyone in general? That would be like a doctor examining you and saying, "Holy shit, take a look at that gnarly mole! Those aren't supposed to look like that! Jesus, that is terrible!" Patient says, "Could it be cancer?" Doctor says, "Uh, yeah, I guess so. Now lets discuss why your hair isn't as shiny as it should be."
Of course Dr. Google has told me that having a bigger than expected uterus is caused by having too much amniotic fluid. Which is caused by various and sundry birth defects, most of which are incompatible with life outside the womb.
I am pissed at myself that I didn't ask more questions. I guess I just figure that if it was something to really worry about the doctor would handle it. But I really need to be more proactive in my health care and less trusting that something that should be noticed will be. I know I will be getting a detailed ultrasound in a week's time, which is probably what would happen if something were really wrong. But doctors shouldn't say shit like that to people and have it go unchecked. If I were really a dedicated person I would call the doctor back and make her explain what she said and ask her if something truly could be wrong.
But I won't.
I will just freak out until Tuesday and go from there.

Sometimes things go wrong

This is what everyone who is trying to conceive should be told. Because I don't think all of us realize that the responsibility of being a parent starts from the moment you get that positive pregnancy test. Suddenly, you are the keeper of a life that is not your own. Your educated guess may be called upon in a time of trouble to make a decision that will effect someone other than you. This burden falls on the shoulders of a small few, however, just like miscarriage fetal death is the dirty little secret of pregnancy that you don't hear about until it happens to you.
I have been reading the blog of a woman who has found out that her 20+ week fetus has a condition that is incompatible with life outside the womb. She and her partner are making the agonizing decision as to how to proceed.
I also read the blog of a woman who chose to terminate and was discussing how horrible it was to be walking into the hospital to end the pregnancy and feeling the baby kick her. I can't imagine what must've been going through her mind. At this point I can't even wrap my mind around it.
These decisions are not easy to make and fracture the reality of the person making them forever. Life must seem divided from that point on...the time before and the time after.
Why, then, don't we hear about these things more often?
Is it because doctors don't want to frighten pregnant women? Technically, most women will never even come close to having to make a decision like this. So I guess OBs are playing the odds that past a certain point a woman will be bringing a healthy baby home. Because most of the time that is what happens.
I personally don't like the idea of everything being fine until its not. I suppose this is why I want to know about what happens in the real world to real people. These women are not any different from me. One day I could be one of them. I would rather hear about the heartache and imagine the tragic what ifs than wake up one day and be blindsided. Maybe I am the only pregnant woman in the world who feels like this. But I just can't imagine that these women have suffered and lost for nothing.
Yes, this is a depressing post. But this is what I am thinking about nowadays as the day of the big ultrasound approaches. There are no guarantees in life.